Doubting Thomas, a hero?

(Yes, Chin Hor is right. Rather quiet her the past few days! Never mind! Here I come to add another post!)

I was reading Dangerous Wonder by Mike Yanconelli when he mentioned one of the apostles, Thomas. To my surprise, Mike actually praised Thomas for asking the questions about Jesus' ressurection.

Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!"
But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."
A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."
Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!"
Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

John 20: 24-29

That surprised me because all my Christian life - almost 10 years of it - I've been taught that what Thomas did was wrong. He was weak in faith. We shouldn't be like Thomas. We shouldn't doubt. I mean, you wouldn't want to be compared to Thomas because he was nicknamed "Doubting Thomas" after all!

Doubting is baaad. That's one of the first lessons I learnt.

But here comes Yanconelli saying that Thomas was brave for questioning ... whether he's right or not, I don't know, but this I can say: I think all of us can relate to Thomas. At least, those who are more, er, proof-orientated.

I'm something like that. I demand for proof before I believe. I want to engage my intellect in spiritual matters, figure thing out, see if things do add up. I am by nature and profession a researcher. Therefore, I don't just believe straightaway but investigate underlying matters and different perspectives.

For years, I supressed this side of me because I thought God wouldn't be pleased if I even doubted one smidgen. But, as a result, my faith was not 'whole', balanced or comfortable, but based on the beliefs of others which I adopted because I thought I had to.

Eventually I rediscovered that Doubting Thomas in me. At first it scared me, asking all those hard questions that I thought would have me struck by lightning. And to my surprise, God didn't seem mad at me. I felt that He wanted to encourage that side of me, long supressed. So I asked and asked, and found a new kind of freedom.

A life of asking questions can be tough. Most of the questions you ask ... not everyone would like to hear it. It can be a solitary thing, where you can only confide in people you trust and who would not scold you for your questions. These people can be few and far in between. But ... I don't think I want to live my spiritual life any other way. :)